The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
