Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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