apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
