Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
