it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize