Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
