He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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