cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
