So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
