never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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