Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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