My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
is that a dick in a sweater?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
