i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
