dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
