My underwear smells like fireworks.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
