...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize