Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
