I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish you could order shots online.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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