OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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