i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
