i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
