I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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