you have to choose: penises or morals?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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