Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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