This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
