I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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