Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
