One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Enjoy the penises
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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