Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize