lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
