i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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