my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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