his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
