so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
