Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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