You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
