she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
