She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
