Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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