everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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