Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
