I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
