finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
