You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
