The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
