i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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