At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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