"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You can't motorboat a personality
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
