I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize