so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
