Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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