On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
