drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
