I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
