I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
