I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
