That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
