I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize