i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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