Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
