somebody snuck up and got me drunk
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
