fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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