Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
