how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
