I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
