Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
