im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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