Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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