I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
