wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
