Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
