I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
