So drunk its hurt
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
