just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize